What Is Conscious Parenting? A Complete Guide for Parents
Conscious Parenting: A Simple Definition So what is Conscious Parenting? The parent guide to the full Prep-Year 4 curriculum. It’s an early-morning commute. Your 6 year old will not help with getting dressed. The first thing you think to do is shout. However, you’re held back by something. Take a pause. Breathe. Then get down to their level and ask, ‘What is making this difficult for you today?’ This little pause, this little wondering, this little not controlling, this little not knowing, this little connection is the art of conscious parenting. Well, what is it? How is it different than the approach you were taken? A simple definition of conscious parenting. Parenting with awareness and intention is Conscious Parenting. It’s about: It is a matter of not being perfect. It’s about the here and now. What Conscious Parenting IS NOT So before we dive deeper, let’s first understand that conscious parenting is not (as there’s a lot of confusion): It is NOT permissive: “Do anything you like, I’m not going to stop you. Boundaries are certainly a part of conscious parenting! You say no, you have your limits. However, you do it with empathy and explanation. It is NOT gentle parenting lite: Gentle parenting is frequently lacking in any kind of firmness. Conscious Parenting is about EMPATHY AND Boundaries. It’s NOT letting your child control you: Bed time and screen time are not at your child’s discretion. You do. However, you engage them and make them feel part of it and give them the “why. It’s NOT about guilt: If you yelled yesterday, conscious parenting is not about drowning in guilt! It’s a process of fixing and learning. The Three Pillars of Conscious Parenting 1. Presence (Not Perfection) Be yourself; don’t try to be the perfect parent. Listen when your child is talking; don’t plan what to say. If they cry, don’t be too hasty to correct it, sit with them. The presence is: I am here with you! Your feelings matter. You matter. 2. Connection Before Correction Your initial response to your child’s misbehaviour is to correct. The conscious parent does it the other way around: Correct second, connect first. Rather than: “Stop that now! Try: “I notice you are upset, what is going on? Relationships are developed through Connection. Correction is the teaching of the lesson. 3. Self-Awareness Your child pushes a button. You yell. Then you feel bad about yourself. Conscious Parenting will have the question: What button was pushed? What are the sources of that trigger? (Many times it will be from your own childhood.) Once you know what triggers you are, you can control them. Then you respond to your child, rather than react. Practical Conscious Parenting Techniques 1. Rhythm & Routine Children feel safe when life is predictable. Same bedtime. Consistent morning sequence. Familiar dinner ritual. Life with rhythm means kids are regulated. They are aware of what is to be expected. The less to be surprised, the less the meltdown. 2. Co-Regulation (Calming Together) Toddler’s having a temper tantrum. Do not isolate them, sit next to them. Stay calm. You’re gentle, and that’s contagious. Slowly they learn to regulate you out of the picture. This lets them know that “Big feelings are okay. I can handle them. You’re here with me. 3. Asking Curious Questions rather than Criticism Rather than: “Why do you have to make things so dirty? Try – I notice toys are everywhere. What happened?” Questions invite reflection. When criticism is given, it will shut kids down. 4. Repair After Yelling You lost it. You yelled. Now what? Come back to your child (when everyone is settled) and say: “I yelled at you this morning, that’s not OK. I was frustrated and that is my job to deal with, I am sorry. How do you feel? Repair educates: adults make mistakes, accountability is key, relationships heal. 5. Emotional Naming What I see is that you’re disappointed. “You’re angry about that, aren’t you? Emotions are named and emotional literacy is taught. Children are aware that feelings are named. Feelings are manageable. Why Conscious Parenting Matters (Especially Now) We are raising children in a digital, high stress world. The competition in the university is fierce. Social media is a source of anxiety. Children’s thoughts and emotions are big with things that are big. Conscious parenting affords them: Getting Started – One Small Step Don’t try and change your parenting style overnight. First with 1 practice: It’s the little changes that make a great difference over the years. Key Takeaway: Conscious parenting is parenting conscious! It’s looking at your child through the lens of curiosity, behaving intentionally and creating a strong relationship for connection and boundaries. This isn’t about being the ideal parent. It’s the present parent, the one your child knows is there for them at all times, even in the worst of times. That’s the basis of a family that is emotionally resilient. Follow us on Instagram and YouTube, for ongoing insights into conscious parenting and emotional development.